Just for fun

[RobertGraves]

If you fit the stereotype of a male this may be the answer - as dreamt up by the Brits - in the lead up to Xmas:

Creches care for shopped-out hubbies

A department chain in Britain says husbands fed up with their wives' Christmas shopping will instead be able to watch the footy in creches set up especially for men.

Marks and Spencer says the creches in five of its stores are equipped with everything to keep men entertained while their partners engage in retail therapy.

She says the creches have already proved very successful, with large demand from the men and strong support from the women.

The spokeswoman says the men can enjoy a drink, watch a film or a soccer match or even play with remote-controlled quad bikes.

The creches are for Christmas only.

[pinkozcat]

*grin* I read that in this morning's paper.

I can't imagine why the women don't just leave their men at home to look after the kids.

[RobertGraves]

That's the deal in our house and we're both happy about it.

[Aravis]

My friend Jamie emailed this to me and I thought you would get a kick out of it...

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent
strain of sexually transmitted disease.

This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The
disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").

Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4
years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this
especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include,
but are not limited to:

* Antisocial personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a
distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language;

* extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information;
pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions;

* exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled
facial smirking;

* Ignorance of geography and history

* tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong
propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are
amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years
ago in a Texas Bush.

[wordswordswords]

;D ;D ;D ;D

The Washington Post has a yearly contest where readers give alternate meanings for various words. The winners:

1. Coffee (noun) - a person who is coughed upon

2. Flabbergasted - appalled over how much weight you have gained

3. Abdicate - to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

4. Esplanade (verb) - to attempt an explanation while drunk

5. Negligent - describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown

6. Lymph (verb) - to walk with a lisp

7. Gargoyle - an olive-flavored mouthwash

8. Flatulence - the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

9. Balderdash - a rapidly receding hairline

10. Testicle - a humorous question on an exam

11. Rectitude - the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you

12. Oyster - a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions

13. Pokemon (noun) - a Jamaican proctologist

14. Frisbeetarianism - the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there

[RobertGraves]

I knew there was a reason why I never joined the Scouts (read no. 98)

100 very trivial things:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4134329.stm

[pinkozcat]

I always understood that it was the Blind Institutes, not the Mental Hospitals, which took in those cheery lads.

[Tenarke]

Recalling my scouting days (Sea Scouts) I wonder that they never gave out a Merit Badge for that!

Number #31 is fascinating. Imagine North Sea fishermen loosing sleep due to a passing school of flatulent herring.

[Wyndham]

New words!

Doing some marking. Oh, so much horror . . . but some funny bits too.

Canada is officially bilingual, right. We all have to study French through High School. And yet, I've had reference to a 'coo day tah' and to Soviet ships being 'on root'.

Ah yes. Time to wipe the tears out of my eyes, and look for the big, thick red marker . . .

[RobertGraves]

At least your laughing and not experiencing onwee. ;D

[Wyndham]

kel horrur, eh?

[RobertGraves]

I wondered how long it would take before tsunami jokes appeared. I think a measure of the incredible proportions of this catastrophe it has taken a lot longer than usual. However, they've appeared:

"Did you hear they're thinking of changing the rules for the Coolangatta Gold surfing competition? It's because it was won by an Indonesian on a wardrobe."

"Why did children in Indonesia and Sri Lanka not get Christmas presents this year? Father Christmas was running late, so he gave them a big wave instead."

[Aravis]

Found this in my inbox this morning and thought I would share. Wyn, you may find this particularly enjoyable! Oh, and don't you love what our programmed censor did with the vice president's name? ;D

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among
left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray
and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their
fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose acreage borders North Dakota.

The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When
I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him
my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that
blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and
Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious
ways of crossing the border.

Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show,
we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon
movies.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice President d*ck Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to
Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put
some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined
to reach out."

[wordswordswords]

Endangered species on postage stamps, eh? Wonder if that bird, the d*ckcissel, is endangered....

Vegans disguised in powdered wigs? Wonder if they were wearing d*ckeys around their necks too?

And about that screenplay, was it one of those hard-boiled mysteries about a private d*ck?

[Nulla]

very amusing, Aravis... I'm going to share it with some friends, if you don't mind.... ;D ;D ;D